80% of Americans are shy in at least in some situations, according to Dr. Phillip Zimbardo of Stanford University, who reported this finding in his book, SHYNESS.

That makes shyness a more universal disability and a more vexing problem than excessive smoking or drinking.

I’ve trained boisterous, burly 250 pound salesmen who have no trouble exuding confidence when closing deals face to face, but they break into a cold sweat when they’re asked to get on the phone and make a few calls.

How can you cope with this malady and succeed?

I have a different take on this topic than most, because I see shyness as a HABIT, and not as an inborn personality characteristic. I consider it a set of behaviors that we repeat because we find the results rewarding.

How can that be?

Well, let’s imagine a backyard barbecue. A shy person could elicit attention and sympathy because she doesn’t seem to be having any fun. Attention is reinforcing, and one can get it on a fairly consistent basis by acting shyly.

Moreover, shyness enables us to avoid what we anticipate will be even more painful episodes and encounters. If you can sidestep having to serve on that industry conference panel you’ll reduce the possibility that you’ll look foolish before an important professional audience when it’s your time to stand and deliver.

Every time you avoid a disastrous outing you might reward yourself by silently saying, “Whew! I dodged another bullet!” and feel relieved.

The key is to work at breaking, or at least better managing, the avoidance habit.

Instead of saying “no” to potentially face-losing encounters, we should practice saying yes. By doing what Dr. Albert Ellis calls “shame attacking” exercises, we can peel away our resistance to acting more extroverted.

For instance, as a kid I recall being shy, taking rides with my parents and hearing them, and their friends, remark, “He’s so quiet!” I assure you I was the loudest guy on the playground and athletic fields, but yes, the art of conversation with adults wasn’t my strong suit before adolescence.

I had to work at public speaking to overcome my fear of it. I did just that and before long I enjoyed performing, in forensics, debate and in drama.

Building on my new communication skills, I put myself through college and graduate schools in sales and management and even taught public speaking at the university level for several years.

But I have found that shyness is an ongoing battle, and we never totally and completely defeat this foe.

In other words, if we don’t practice shyness attacking behaviors on an ongoing basis, relentlessly, we will RELEARN and succumb again to our shyness.

For example, there have been times in my consulting practice when I haven’t had to sell very often. A few big clients, and some very successful indirect marketing initiatives, have been lucrative enough to keep me involved delivering programs without having to repeatedly sell more of them.

So, from time to time, I’d get rusty and more significant, my sales reluctance would build to the point that I would have to force myself to cold call. Of course, once I succeeded, I reminded myself of how effective I am, and I zapped any timidity that had built up to that point.

You may have heard the expression that the best way of taming our fear is to perform repeated acts of courage.

If you’re shy, and you want to succeed, this isn’t an option.

It’s a necessity.

You may feel especially vexed by shyness if you tell yourself that you shouldn’t be feeling it. Looking back at having wrestled with it successfully, before, you might feel some shame that it is bothering you again, particularly if you're in a high-profile setting in sales, management, consulting, or professional speaking.

I suggest thinking of battling shyness as the dues you have to pay, periodically. If you haven’t chipped-in for a long time, you simply have a bigger balance to pay off, but believe me, you can do it!